








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 202 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 100 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
774 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,531 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1045 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1735 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 926 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 825 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $594,756 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 68 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Ɑ͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ﻝﮞ 🍌⛟ | 31% | 16 |
| #14 | Flyntti | 27% | 15 |
| #15 | TakuPulla | 26% | 19 |
| #16 | Linkki | 24% | 25 |
| #17 | Tiikeri | 23% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jogeribogeri | 86 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | Flyntti | 73 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #3 | Gefaus | 69 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Jupa | 66 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | Jigglypuff | 61 | 0.09 | 2 min |





