








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 96 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 80 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1445 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,393 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 855 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1561 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1116 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 861 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $482,224 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 乂卂丨 | 65% | 20 |
| #2 | Xenon | 61% | 18 |
| #3 | Porca Veia | 53% | 51 |
| #4 | Pirata SJP | 52% | 25 |
| #5 | JaCOzeRa | 51% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | γɒɿɘb | 7 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Capetao Planeta | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | S4L4M3 | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | JaCOzeRa | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Porca Veia | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | γɒɿɘb | 269 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #2 | JaCOzeRa | 180 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Porca Veia | 123 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Capetao Planeta | 115 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | ' brn1™ ✌ | 103 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | γɒɿɘb | +2.63 | 73 | 75 |
| #2 | Papai Smurf | +1.13 | 78 | 57 |
| #3 | 乂卂丨 | +0.88 | 52 | 57 |
| #4 | Porca Veia | +0.78 | 48 | 64 |
| #5 | Capetao Planeta | +0.57 | 58 | 63 |





