








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 335 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 88 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1148 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,217 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 171 | 14% |
| Smokes | 398 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 478 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 170 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $744,437 of utility $236 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mello | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | Jaettata | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | GR1MR3PR | 52% | 98 |
| #4 | HugTheBear | 47% | 30 |
| #5 | Pesto Ravioli™ | 43% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pesto Ravioli™ | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | GR1MR3PR | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | HugTheBear | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Meth-atron | 1 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | Jaettata | 1 | 0.0042 |





