








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 313 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 62 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
961 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,787 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1810 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1475 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1170 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1332 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $382,234 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 107 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #18 | Wagnerzera | 43% | 40 |
| #19 | EmersonShawty | 38% | 8 |
| #20 | DaN | 35% | 20 |
| #21 | кคzย-- | 33% | 9 |
| #22 | Hummmm | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wagnerzera | 4 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | मालिक | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | AshFxLL | 3 | 0.0116 |
| #4 | PIПKYツ | 3 | 0.0122 |
| #5 | BadDoug | 3 | 0.0147 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | मालिक | 109 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | DaN | 108 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #3 | Wagnerzera | 98 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Ted Mosby | 83 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | Hummmm | 79 | 0.26 | 2 min |





