








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 19 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
174 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 835 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 220 | 26% |
| Smokes | 131 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 311 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 173 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $60,537 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | NoddanBiceps | 32% | 19 |
| #7 | FaT_RiGhT | 22% | 9 |
| #8 | LollanPalooza | 22% | 9 |
| #9 | Pod van Groggh | 17% | 6 |
| #10 | Boobie Ewing | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NoddanBiceps | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | FaT_RiGhT | 1 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Pod van Groggh | 1 | 0.0090 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NoddanBiceps | 58 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | Boobie Ewing | 21 | 0.40 | 0 min |
| #3 | Kötthunden | 15 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Pod van Groggh | 10 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | FaT_RiGhT | 9 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FaT_RiGhT | +3.96 | 58 | 64 |
| #2 | P!ngu | +3.58 | 56 | 54 |
| #3 | Kötthunden | +2.68 | 53 | 65 |
| #4 | Frost #44 | -0.38 | 49 | 67 |
| #5 | NoddanBiceps | -0.85 | 46 | 68 |





