








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 549 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 453 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 119 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2683 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,234 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4904 | 25% |
| Smokes | 6378 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 4243 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3709 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $992,987 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1202 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Steve Balboni | 47% | 116 |
| #9 | Sunshine ♥ | 45% | 161 |
| #10 | Masterdestroyer | 42% | 69 |
| #11 | killa | 39% | 41 |
| #12 | ❤Barbie | 28% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | moot | 16 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | lenny | 15 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Sunshine ♥ | 13 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | ❤Barbie | 9 | 0.0132 |
| #5 | Masterdestroyer | 7 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lenny | 483 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #2 | moot | 379 | 0.23 | 9 min |
| #3 | Sunshine ♥ | 371 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #4 | Steve Balboni | 345 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #5 | killa | 138 | 0.16 | 4 min |





