








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
946 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,563 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1059 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1216 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 968 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1320 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $526,309 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 28 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TALLASSmidgets | 52% | 29 |
| #2 | AsianBotman | 48% | 23 |
| #3 | bighead | 40% | 10 |
| #4 | Ewok Assassin | 39% | 41 |
| #5 | A.ToNY | 37% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A.ToNY | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Rawfulstomp | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Ewok Assassin | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | bighead | 1 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A.ToNY | 569 | 0.22 | 17 min |
| #2 | Rawfulstomp | 117 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #3 | TALLASSmidgets | 113 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | Ewok Assassin | 89 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | bighead | 36 | 0.16 | 1 min |





