








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 460 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 214 matches | ||
| Wingman | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 42 matches | ||
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 61 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3864 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,935 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4288 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3935 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3435 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3277 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,214,226 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 170 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jumbo | 55% | 141 |
| #2 | gordon | 45% | 227 |
| #3 | Freskee | 45% | 237 |
| #4 | cutiepie | 43% | 30 |
| #5 | KA | 41% | 143 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | gordon | 45% | 227 |
| #3 | Freskee | 45% | 237 |
| #4 | cutiepie | 43% | 30 |
| #5 | KA | 41% | 143 |
| #6 | Krachbummente | 39% | 138 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gordon | 9 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Freskee | 7 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Jumbo | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | KA | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | cutiepie | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jumbo | 315 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #2 | gordon | 243 | 0.05 | 7 min |
| #3 | KA | 166 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | Krachbummente | 139 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #5 | Freskee | 119 | 0.02 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hyde | +2.66 | 44 | 72 |
| #2 | gordon | +2.50 | 35 | 51 |
| #3 | Krachbummente | +1.32 | 54 | 61 |
| #4 | cutiepie | -1.80 | 44 | 26 |
| #5 | Jumbo | -2.23 | 35 | 61 |





