








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 130 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1217 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,647 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1251 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1422 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1858 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2116 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $681,391 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 96 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Pyndt | 42% | 64 |
| #5 | Moe | 41% | 111 |
| #6 | d00f | 41% | 73 |
| #7 | El Papi | 41% | 103 |
| #8 | misery | 27% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nuclear Cookie | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | El Papi | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | d00f | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | misery | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | Håldme | 2 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nuclear Cookie | 375 | 0.22 | 10 min |
| #2 | d00f | 115 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | Moe | 103 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | Pyndt | 64 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | misery | 64 | 0.11 | 2 min |





