










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1305 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 375 matches | ||
| Esplay | 32 matches | 1,469 | |
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 59 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3143 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,628 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2586 | 19% |
| Smokes | 4078 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3685 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3279 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,405,043 of utility $257 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 350 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Primero | 46% | 24 |
| #2 | Psykos Lennart | 46% | 116 |
| #3 | Mustafa | 43% | 23 |
| #4 | ☮Cheese Is Christ☮ | 43% | 35 |
| #5 | Zapy | 42% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Primero | 46% | 24 |
| #2 | Psykos Lennart | 46% | 116 |
| #3 | Mustafa | 43% | 23 |
| #4 | ☮Cheese Is Christ☮ | 43% | 35 |
| #5 | Zapy | 42% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Psykos Lennart | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | ☮Cheese Is Christ☮ | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Mustafa | 2 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | Zapy | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zapy | 211 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #2 | ☮Cheese Is Christ☮ | 64 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Primero | 56 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Mustafa | 52 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Psykos Lennart | 35 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zapy | +0.57 | 38 | 75 |
| #2 | Psykos Lennart | -0.17 | 51 | 40 |
| #3 | Primero | -0.57 | 20 | 51 |
| #4 | ☮Cheese Is Christ☮ | -0.59 | 21 | 49 |
| #5 | Pinkie Pie | -1.52 | 21 | 60 |





