








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 575 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 156 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 29 matches | ||
| Esplay | 27 matches | 1,449 | |
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2591 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,975 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 794 | 11% |
| Smokes | 1799 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2141 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2241 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $958,856 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 43 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flex | 7 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | 🎀MimZ'🎀 | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Zapy | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Mustafa | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Pinkie Pie | 1 | 0.0004 |





