








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 592 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 551 matches | ||
| Wingman | 36 matches | ||
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 73 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5408 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,690 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6035 | 25% |
| Smokes | 6530 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 6229 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4896 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,033,820 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 545 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | bait miskat | 47% | 93 |
| #13 | Danny <3 | 44% | 72 |
| #14 | P3T3 Machine | 42% | 73 |
| #15 | MuGGi^ | 42% | 118 |
| #16 | HKKSM 1-Deag! | 41% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Japjap | 893 | 0.14 | 20 min |
| #2 | Danny <3 | 313 | 0.20 | 8 min |
| #3 | P3T3 Machine | 264 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #4 | Mercillern | 263 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #5 | Bot 007 | 261 | 0.12 | 8 min |





