








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1278 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 884 matches | ||
| Faceit | 200 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 197 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8932 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 66,139 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 20324 | 31% |
| Smokes | 18600 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 14775 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 12440 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,526,369 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 239 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JC | 21 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Sch1mple | 18 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | GUSTO | 15 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | ²³ᵴʊᴙƦᶓᵰᴌ¹¹ | 8 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | esho | 6 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sch1mple | 1064 | 0.21 | 29 min |
| #2 | Johnny Ramone | 852 | 0.18 | 25 min |
| #3 | Cerro | 842 | 0.11 | 20 min |
| #4 | LONGER | 770 | 0.19 | 24 min |
| #5 | JC | 603 | 0.10 | 13 min |





