








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 750 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 311 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5198 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,926 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2896 | 16% |
| Smokes | 4966 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5153 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 4911 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,851,178 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 190 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Smithy | 50% | 179 |
| #8 | L_patschi | 50% | 30 |
| #9 | hypnotie 火 | 50% | 44 |
| #10 | Windy ✈ | 45% | 51 |
| #11 | Frøsτ★ | 44% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Roobismeister | 22 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | cyko^ | 15 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Smithy | 11 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | BOA NOITE | 7 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | Roger Sterling | 7 | 0.0093 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cyko^ | 722 | 0.10 | 20 min |
| #2 | Roobismeister | 379 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #3 | Smithy | 332 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | Frøsτ★ | 172 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | BOA NOITE | 146 | 0.10 | 4 min |





