








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 740 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 531 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5464 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,240 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6258 | 34% |
| Smokes | 3992 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 4293 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3697 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,685,782 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1164 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | biscuits | 57% | 79 |
| #2 | CALVUS | 55% | 44 |
| #3 | bates | 50% | 46 |
| #4 | cob | 48% | 163 |
| #5 | RIPMAX | 46% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | biscuits | 57% | 79 |
| #2 | CALVUS | 55% | 44 |
| #3 | bates | 50% | 46 |
| #4 | cob | 48% | 163 |
| #5 | RIPMAX | 46% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cob | 10 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | CALVUS | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | RIPMAX | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | biscuits | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | bates | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | biscuits | 202 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | cob | 130 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #3 | RIPMAX | 86 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | CALVUS | 79 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | bates | 68 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | biscuits | +1.45 | 80 | 67 |
| #2 | mes | +0.16 | 69 | 66 |
| #3 | cob | -0.50 | 53 | 50 |
| #4 | RIPMAX | -2.42 | 37 | 70 |
| #5 | CALVUS | -2.49 | 42 | 65 |





