








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 380 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 249 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 47 matches | ||
| Wingman | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3901 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,225 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 718 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1489 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1865 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1153 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,089,573 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 90 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DNPZZ | 67% | 73 |
| #2 | Purple Yeti | 54% | 39 |
| #3 | JelQ_Machine (Movement God) | 53% | 488 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DNPZZ | 67% | 73 |
| #2 | Purple Yeti | 54% | 39 |
| #3 | JelQ_Machine (Movement God) | 53% | 488 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JelQ_Machine (Movement God) | 9 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | DNPZZ | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Purple Yeti | 2 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JelQ_Machine (Movement God) | 1039 | 0.10 | 23 min |
| #2 | DNPZZ | 124 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Purple Yeti | 58 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grapejuice | +1.78 | 77 | 35 |
| #2 | Purple Yeti | +0.59 | 68 | 37 |
| #3 | JelQ_Machine (Movement God) | +0.26 | 69 | 45 |
| #4 | DNPZZ | -3.58 | 32 | 41 |





