








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 162 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 60 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1369 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,669 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1292 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1497 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 586 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 1294 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $337,118 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chaechae❤ | 5 | 0.0106 |
| #2 | Mike Oxlong | 4 | 0.0229 |
| #3 | Kapper | 3 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | jamojnsut | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | EpzoL^ q(^.*)p | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jamojnsut | 278 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #2 | Super SkurkN | 247 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #3 | ✪AdriaN_ | 157 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | EpzoL^ q(^.*)p | 85 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Mike Oxlong | 68 | 0.39 | 2 min |





