








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
935 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,287 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1272 | 30% |
| Smokes | 933 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1302 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 780 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $133,758 of utility $52 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bustin | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | eviL | 67% | 12 |
| #3 | gone | 44% | 9 |
| #4 | Zer0Gravity | 44% | 25 |
| #5 | SM41L1K | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Zer0Gravity | 44% | 25 |
| #5 | SM41L1K | 38% | 13 |
| #6 | demarcus demetrious the 3ʳᵈ | 38% | 13 |
| #7 | Honeybun | 38% | 13 |
| #8 | ✪ zaza enthusiast | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zer0Gravity | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | demarcus demetrious the 3ʳᵈ | 1 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | eviL | 1 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zer0Gravity | 79 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | Honeybun | 57 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #3 | demarcus demetrious the 3ʳᵈ | 30 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | eviL | 27 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | ✪ zaza enthusiast | 23 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eviL | +5.58 | 83 | 48 |
| #2 | Zer0Gravity | +2.06 | 64 | 66 |
| #3 | SM41L1K | +1.69 | 67 | 47 |
| #4 | Honeybun | +1.48 | 89 | 62 |
| #5 | Bustin | +0.99 | 98 | 49 |





