








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 831 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 246 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 128 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3493 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,264 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3498 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3524 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2057 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 3185 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $940,177 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 104 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tel | 66% | 74 |
| #2 | Wôôpa | 65% | 155 |
| #3 | g0Kauf | 64% | 164 |
| #4 | vankoj | 62% | 91 |
| #5 | greenie | 61% | 229 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | g0Kauf | 64% | 164 |
| #4 | vankoj | 62% | 91 |
| #5 | greenie | 61% | 229 |
| #6 | MCscufterface | 60% | 123 |
| #7 | Benno | 50% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | greenie | 3 | 0.0006 |
| #2 | Wôôpa | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | vankoj | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | g0Kauf | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | g0Kauf | 810 | 0.23 | 22 min |
| #2 | greenie | 587 | 0.12 | 18 min |
| #3 | Wôôpa | 396 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #4 | MCscufterface | 234 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | vankoj | 130 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Madmardio | +3.79 | 82 | 72 |
| #2 | g0Kauf | +2.99 | 73 | 70 |
| #3 | MCscufterface | +1.32 | 79 | 67 |
| #4 | Benno | +0.52 | 90 | 67 |
| #5 | vankoj | -1.39 | 50 | 65 |





