








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 325 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 323 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3455 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,816 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1739 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2616 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2239 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1222 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,797,231 of utility $213 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 622 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | HaryHustLe | 47% | 112 |
| #6 | BlakeN DE COCKn | 46% | 156 |
| #7 | JokerAlex47 | 46% | 57 |
| #8 | falte | 43% | 81 |
| #9 | BigBuddha | 37% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Olsen | 17 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | blunteD | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | BlakeN DE COCKn | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | BigBuddha | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | falte | 4 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Olsen | 664 | 0.10 | 14 min |
| #2 | blunteD | 372 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #3 | BlakeN DE COCKn | 296 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | falte | 235 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #5 | HaryHustLe | 212 | 0.09 | 5 min |





