








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 675 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
903 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,922 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 523 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1416 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1417 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 566 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $839,664 of utility $231 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 78 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paillette | 54% | 35 |
| #2 | Trailter | 40% | 10 |
| #3 | Nowi | 38% | 24 |
| #4 | Veqoo.vF | 34% | 64 |
| #5 | Guinness85 <- Twitch | 34% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Veqoo.vF | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | `S tan - | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | SigmaR | 2 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | Guinness85 <- Twitch | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | Paillette | 1 | 0.0016 |





