








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 245 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 189 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2018 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,646 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 933 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1610 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2261 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1842 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $720,490 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 133 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Ich hab deine Mu im Arsc gef. | 49% | 39 |
| #6 | PorschHD | 48% | 52 |
| #7 | BALU | 48% | 174 |
| #8 | ZEQI | 350 LB | YT & KICK/ZEQICS | 46% | 24 |
| #9 | Luno | 41% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALU | 11 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | GeckoFresh | 6 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | PorschHD | 6 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | ZEQI | 350 LB | YT & KICK/ZEQICS | 6 | 0.0118 |
| #5 | nuVo | 5 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nuVo | 490 | 0.25 | 13 min |
| #2 | BALU | 261 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #3 | GeckoFresh | 74 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | Ich hab deine Mu im Arsc gef. | 56 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Zipfel-Klatscher | 41 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Luno | +4.18 | 55 | 17 |
| #2 | PorschHD | +2.70 | 64 | 18 |
| #3 | GeckoFresh | +2.48 | 48 | 52 |
| #4 | nuVo | +1.45 | 61 | 77 |
| #5 | ZEQI | 350 LB | YT & KICK/ZEQICS | +1.00 | 51 | 25 |





