








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 158 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 132 matches | ||
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1730 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,501 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 497 | 20% |
| Smokes | 207 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 1069 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 728 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $339,106 of utility $63 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 60 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | RamexTV™ | 50% | 101 |
| #3 | King Milk™ | 49% | 53 |
| #4 | HendriX™ (little willy) | 44% | 163 |
| #5 | MrJimWub | 37% | 30 |
| #6 | Chef | 33% | 105 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HendriX™ (little willy) | 332 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #2 | King Milk™ | 223 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #3 | RamexTV™ | 117 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | Chef | 112 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | MrJimWub | 68 | 0.11 | 2 min |





