








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 179 matches | ||
| Faceit | 116 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4418 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,977 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2948 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3188 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4038 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3803 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $564,881 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | seal ya later idiot | 68% | 19 |
| #2 | Traxx | 67% | 18 |
| #3 | CRIMZ1H | 66% | 47 |
| #4 | aimlass | 62% | 34 |
| #5 | Weegull | 61% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | aimlass | 62% | 34 |
| #5 | Weegull | 61% | 36 |
| #6 | baxil #FREEDAZ | 58% | 36 |
| #7 | HIMMY_NEUTRON | 55% | 104 |
| #8 | atitic laurel | 53% | 163 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | atitic laurel | 12 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | HIMMY_NEUTRON | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | baxil #FREEDAZ | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | aimlass | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Weegull | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | atitic laurel | 271 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #2 | Weegull | 176 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #3 | HIMMY_NEUTRON | 154 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | seal ya later idiot | 127 | 0.31 | 3 min |
| #5 | CRIMZ1H | 126 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | seal ya later idiot | +3.55 | 82 | 70 |
| #2 | wolf | +2.97 | 72 | 65 |
| #3 | Weegull | +1.47 | 69 | 77 |
| #4 | Traxx | +1.35 | 63 | 56 |
| #5 | atitic laurel | +0.46 | 71 | 68 |





