








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 156 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 289 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4288 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,532 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1901 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1299 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 1981 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2351 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,181,349 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 992 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Daan | 50% | 38 |
| #5 | xvilo | 46% | 160 |
| #6 | Soeplepel | 46% | 70 |
| #7 | Piew | 44% | 48 |
| #8 | Weazle.nl | 39% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xvilo | 19 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | ④②⓪ mznck | 11 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Soeplepel | 7 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | Piew | 7 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | Daan | 5 | 0.0066 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xvilo | 455 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #2 | Weazle.nl | 235 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | Soeplepel | 162 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | ④②⓪ mznck | 159 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Piew | 117 | 0.11 | 3 min |





