








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1097 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 181 matches | ||
| Faceit | 174 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 121 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5884 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,240 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2766 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4185 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 2930 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1359 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,778,727 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 93 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 🥒 | 13 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | m0rt1s | 11 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | y1mo. | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | REVEA1 | 5 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | PitBunny | 4 | 0.0018 |





