








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 253 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 104 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
885 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,207 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1573 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1515 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1118 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1001 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $279,788 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 28 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Mr. Nitroglycerin | 56% | 45 |
| #7 | IamBERND+ | 54% | 56 |
| #8 | Shades | 53% | 32 |
| #9 | MrDiabetico | 50% | 18 |
| #10 | vo1d | 49% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vo1d | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | Mr. Nitroglycerin | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | MrDiabetico | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | DeusVult | 1 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Nitroglycerin | 211 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #2 | vo1d | 159 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | ShocK | 134 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #4 | IamBERND+ | 119 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | Shades | 66 | 0.09 | 2 min |





