








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 582 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 209 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 81 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2287 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,570 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1487 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1544 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1600 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1939 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $799,337 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 149 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Lick Her Land™ | 57% | 28 |
| #3 | Mojo | 52% | 111 |
| #4 | SEEj | 49% | 57 |
| #5 | Izzy | 46% | 24 |
| #6 | JoeNutz | 43% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mojo | 12 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | SEEj | 9 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | Lick Her Land™ | 7 | 0.0117 |
| #4 | Izzy | 3 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | JoeNutz | 2 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mojo | 381 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #2 | SEEj | 295 | 0.26 | 7 min |
| #3 | JoeNutz | 166 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | Lick Her Land™ | 102 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | Izzy | 29 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Izzy | +1.59 | 66 | 42 |
| #2 | SEEj | +1.17 | 63 | 57 |
| #3 | Mojo | +1.03 | 54 | 68 |
| #4 | Fluff | -0.19 | 73 | 46 |
| #5 | Lick Her Land™ | -0.74 | 38 | 34 |





