








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 788 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 104 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




54 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,109 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3037 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2858 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 5316 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 3898 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,388,963 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 967 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | BeeeepBooooop | 59% | 91 |
| #13 | 不hehe | 59% | 83 |
| #14 | <Yami | 59% | 85 |
| #15 | Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo | 57% | 40 |
| #16 | hehehe | 57% | 35 |





