








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1115 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 818 matches | ||
| Faceit | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 124 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5337 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 31,854 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1502 | 5% |
| Smokes | 9386 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 11616 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 9350 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,647,792 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 651 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | AutisticPeek | 48% | 80 |
| #5 | kemikaali keijo | 45% | 89 |
| #6 | FAITHeness | 40% | 344 |
| #7 | Hex: Devour Soap | 40% | 58 |
| #8 | Sansai | 35% | 69 |





