










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
464 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,186 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 471 | 40% |
| Smokes | 329 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 105 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 281 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $85,267 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 95 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jotaa | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Lense | 50% | 2 |
| #3 | Gary the Gadget guy | 50% | 6 |
| #4 | coneiro | 50% | 14 |
| #5 | Almzzz | 39% | 23 |





