








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 515 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 347 matches | ||
| Faceit | 192 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4323 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,745 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4443 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2699 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 3530 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3073 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,157,942 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 172 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eru | 61% | 36 |
| #2 | Kneeguhdooo | 55% | 42 |
| #3 | crybabybedwetter | 51% | 35 |
| #4 | Steve Harvey | 50% | 286 |
| #5 | Vix (Controllered) | 48% | 244 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Kneeguhdooo | 55% | 42 |
| #3 | crybabybedwetter | 51% | 35 |
| #4 | Steve Harvey | 50% | 286 |
| #5 | Vix (Controllered) | 48% | 244 |
| #6 | ali | 46% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steve Harvey | 29 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Vix (Controllered) | 19 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | ali | 7 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | Kneeguhdooo | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | Eru | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vix (Controllered) | 933 | 0.19 | 18 min |
| #2 | Steve Harvey | 343 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | Kneeguhdooo | 196 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #4 | crybabybedwetter | 137 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Eru | 128 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kneeguhdooo | +2.91 | 65 | 67 |
| #2 | Eru | +1.51 | 64 | 53 |
| #3 | Vix (Controllered) | +1.40 | 50 | 53 |
| #4 | ali | +1.10 | 67 | 56 |
| #5 | JulioTheillegal | -0.35 | 49 | 55 |





