








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1128 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 225 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 61 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2135 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,377 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3211 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1787 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 3917 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 2462 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $719,678 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 150 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ThatsNotMyCactus | 56% | 32 |
| #2 | Cheriii | 55% | 31 |
| #3 | Jamo | 55% | 137 |
| #4 | halsey | 54% | 37 |
| #5 | Eldarkon | 53% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maff | 682 | 0.17 | 22 min |
| #2 | Jamo | 565 | 0.19 | 18 min |
| #3 | ThatsNotMyCactus | 139 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | Salv | 49 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ɀɨʟʟʏ♠ | 30 | 0.06 | 1 min |





