








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 630 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 97 matches | 1,955 | |
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1485 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,128 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 859 | 27% |
| Smokes | 970 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 618 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 681 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $637,368 of utility $235 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 223 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kwersi | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | adde | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | akaza | 51% | 43 |
| #4 | spark | 47% | 36 |
| #5 | Rhyzo | 47% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mad | 6 | 0.0426 |
| #2 | adde | 4 | 0.0301 |
| #3 | Rhyzo | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | akaza | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | ♱ | 2 | 0.0090 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rhyzo | 138 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | spark | 87 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | akaza | 81 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | ♱ | 31 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | adde | 29 | 0.22 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kwersi | +5.15 | 88 | 65 |
| #2 | mad | +4.16 | 96 | 17 |
| #3 | spark | +2.17 | 93 | 50 |
| #4 | yeager | +1.39 | 88 | 52 |
| #5 | akaza | +1.35 | 82 | 63 |





