








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 284 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 480 matches | ||
| Wingman | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6159 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,350 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4373 | 30% |
| Smokes | 4897 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 3185 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1895 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,306,843 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 589 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jon Snow | 50% | 52 |
| #2 | Lemon Head | 49% | 180 |
| #3 | Johnny Erotica | 47% | 197 |
| #4 | Galaxy Gas Guzzler | 47% | 174 |
| #5 | Black Elon | 47% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fetal Dank Vape Syndrome | +1.08 | 67 | 58 |
| #2 | Jon Snow | +0.78 | 61 | 29 |
| #3 | Lemon Head | +0.62 | 49 | 48 |
| #4 | Black Elon | +0.11 | 59 | 61 |
| #5 | Galaxy Gas Guzzler | -0.90 | 62 | 47 |





