










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 130 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1745 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,889 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 487 | 26% |
| Smokes | 870 | 46% |
| HE Grenades | 226 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 306 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $465,952 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | εz-ναc | DiePizzaParteiV12 | 55% | 33 |
| #2 | Pfandflaschenfinn | 53% | 32 |
| #3 | Mettmann | 52% | 77 |
| #4 | J4n1611 | 47% | 155 |
| #5 | J4n1611_2 | 46% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Mettmann | 52% | 77 |
| #4 | J4n1611 | 47% | 155 |
| #5 | J4n1611_2 | 46% | 39 |
| #6 | SuperPaule ✔ | 42% | 31 |
| #7 | Deㅂdpuㅇㄴ | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pfandflaschenfinn | 13 | 0.0233 |
| #2 | J4n1611 | 8 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Mettmann | 7 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | SuperPaule ✔ | 5 | 0.0082 |
| #5 | J4n1611_2 | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mettmann | 284 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | J4n1611 | 107 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #3 | Pfandflaschenfinn | 68 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | εz-ναc | DiePizzaParteiV12 | 39 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | J4n1611_2 | 34 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pfandflaschenfinn | +5.38 | 73 | 57 |
| #2 | J4n1611 | +3.36 | 57 | 40 |
| #3 | εz-ναc | DiePizzaParteiV12 | +2.36 | 76 | 51 |
| #4 | SuperPaule ✔ | -0.15 | 60 | 22 |
| #5 | Mettmann | -0.29 | 31 | 53 |





