








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 618 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 116 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1879 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,233 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1501 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1833 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 911 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 988 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $871,635 of utility $214 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 500 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | |zen | 52% | 21 |
| #7 | Ald | 52% | 52 |
| #8 | KoKo | 50% | 14 |
| #9 | |tzijing | 44% | 16 |
| #10 | cat lover | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XHYW | 14 | 0.0207 |
| #2 | Ald | 10 | 0.0093 |
| #3 | cat lover | 7 | 0.0210 |
| #4 | Zoxic | 5 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | |zen | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoxic | 198 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | Ald | 122 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | cat lover | 67 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #4 | Hans | 56 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #5 | XHYW | 33 | 0.05 | 0 min |





