








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 126 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1349 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,080 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1091 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1704 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1134 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1151 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $156,542 of utility $54 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Grill | 49% | 74 |
| #3 | Coo of CoCK | 48% | 27 |
| #4 | SnakeZilla | 48% | 111 |
| #5 | VP of BJ | 44% | 9 |
| #6 | McJesus | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SnakeZilla | 213 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #2 | VP of BJ | 44 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| #3 | Grill | 39 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | Coo of CoCK | 32 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | McJesus | 31 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CEO of Sex | +1.74 | 64 | 62 |
| #2 | Grill | +1.47 | 64 | 31 |
| #3 | VP of BJ | +0.94 | 75 | 49 |
| #4 | Coo of CoCK | -0.26 | 44 | 41 |
| #5 | SnakeZilla | -1.51 | 58 | 54 |





