








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 30 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 194 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1914 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,855 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1031 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1795 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 814 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1215 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $587,747 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 84 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Chelmalin_2nd | 43% | 14 |
| #8 | sp3c1a!™ | 42% | 33 |
| #9 | Harald Glööckler | 42% | 74 |
| #10 | feuerdino | 41% | 29 |
| #11 | DasHuhnLP | 40% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chelmalin | 13 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | DasHuhnLP | 10 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Chelmalin_2nd | 6 | 0.0183 |
| #4 | Harald Glööckler | 5 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | sp3c1a!™ | 5 | 0.0075 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DasHuhnLP | 160 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #2 | Chelmalin | 111 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Harald Glööckler | 80 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | feuerdino | 63 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Chelmalin_2nd | 51 | 0.16 | 1 min |





