








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 146 matches | ||
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2373 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,869 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2526 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2490 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1926 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2927 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $558,465 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | n | 78% | 50 |
| #2 | sabishii | 69% | 26 |
| #3 | vic | 67% | 15 |
| #4 | flamingo (I <3 cats) | 61% | 18 |
| #5 | tellz | 60% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Seeker | 46% | 37 |
| #9 | Ligmanugs | 45% | 29 |
| #10 | daddys favorite cumdumpster | 44% | 18 |
| #11 | McCockineer | 37% | 19 |
| #12 | talktuahpodcast | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ligmanugs | 3 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | n | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Seeker | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | McCockineer | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | n | 146 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | McCockineer | 118 | 0.27 | 3 min |
| #3 | tellz | 93 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | flamingo (I <3 cats) | 93 | 0.40 | 3 min |
| #5 | Seeker | 89 | 0.12 | 2 min |





