








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 755 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2486 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,328 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2764 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4422 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 3073 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1069 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,122,330 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1018 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Padriggi | 16 | 0.0132 |
| #2 | STATICZIM | 12 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | nakittaja | 11 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Anzzi | 11 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | ErectileDysfunctionDSpeaks | 11 | 0.0130 |





