










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
360 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,194 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 498 | 42% |
| Smokes | 407 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 222 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 67 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $400,660 of utility $311 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Animal | 42% | 26 |
| #2 | Amia | 32% | 37 |
| #3 | birdie | 32% | 28 |
| #4 | Morvis | 32% | 22 |
| 28% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Morvis | 32% | 22 |
| 28% | 46 | ||
| 27% | 11 | ||
| 21% | 14 | ||
| #8 | Shuu | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Animal | 7 | 0.0139 |
| 6 | 0.0210 | ||
| 4 | 0.0042 | ||
| #4 | Amia | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | Morvis | 2 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Amia | 141 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #2 | Animal | 135 | 0.27 | 3 min |
| 127 | 0.13 | 3 min | ||
| 87 | 0.30 | 3 min | ||
| #5 | birdie | 63 | 0.12 | 1 min |





