








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 22 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
726 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,210 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 456 | 21% |
| Smokes | 488 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 669 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 597 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $130,759 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Shreeyer | 60% | 15 |
| #6 | ALcaTraZ | 58% | 12 |
| #7 | .#zu3st'?!! .#holzverleih | 56% | 36 |
| #8 | WienerWürstchen | 40% | 10 |
| #9 | El Popo Loco | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shreeyer | 1 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | ALcaTraZ | 1 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | El Popo Loco | 1 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .#zu3st'?!! .#holzverleih | 43 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #2 | Shreeyer | 38 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | BuBBle | 26 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | ALcaTraZ | 19 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | WienerWürstchen | 17 | 0.08 | 1 min |





