








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1209 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 202 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




54 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4745 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,246 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2844 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2627 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2887 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3888 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $921,888 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 801 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Hellen Keller | 53% | 87 |
| #3 | .blitz | 47% | 163 |
| #4 | MTF Enjoyer LGBTQQIP2SAA? | 46% | 24 |
| #5 | FleXzCiTiNa | 42% | 24 |
| #6 | blitz | 39% | 23 |





