








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1403 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,333 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1275 | 29% |
| Smokes | 938 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1176 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 944 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $412,654 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ravdav | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Dynamo | 61% | 36 |
| #3 | Apollo | 52% | 81 |
| #4 | djsmellyballs | 50% | 10 |
| #5 | weepyfox | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ravdav | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Dynamo | 61% | 36 |
| #3 | Apollo | 52% | 81 |
| #4 | djsmellyballs | 50% | 10 |
| #5 | weepyfox | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Apollo | 9 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | djsmellyballs | 5 | 0.0237 |
| #3 | ravdav | 3 | 0.0081 |
| #4 | Dynamo | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Apollo | 133 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | ravdav | 26 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | djsmellyballs | 22 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #4 | Dynamo | 6 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | weepyfox | 3 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Apollo | +2.51 | 82 | 55 |
| #2 | Dynamo | +2.27 | 50 | 29 |
| #3 | djsmellyballs | +1.55 | 71 | 42 |
| #4 | ✪ Benz | +0.88 | 74 | 60 |
| #5 | ravdav | -1.83 | 35 | 54 |





