








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 827 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 155 matches | ||
| Premier | 153 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 36 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 77 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




66 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4907 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,175 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2132 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1673 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 3678 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 2692 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,806,501 of utility $296 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1417 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | takt | 79% | 38 |
| #2 | Marslle | 73% | 123 |
| #3 | QBert | 50% | 214 |
| #4 | cedar creek employee | 48% | 184 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | takt | 79% | 38 |
| #2 | Marslle | 73% | 123 |
| #3 | QBert | 50% | 214 |
| #4 | cedar creek employee | 48% | 184 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cedar creek employee | 46 | 0.0136 |
| #2 | Marslle | 13 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | QBert | 12 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | takt | 6 | 0.0088 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cedar creek employee | 170 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #2 | takt | 119 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #3 | QBert | 97 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #4 | Marslle | 85 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Archibald The Bloated Horse | +5.28 | 73 | 53 |
| #2 | takt | +4.99 | 73 | 55 |
| #3 | Marslle | +3.32 | 67 | 36 |
| #4 | cedar creek employee | -3.60 | 33 | 25 |
| #5 | QBert | -4.58 | 13 | 29 |





