








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 681 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 76 matches | ||
| Premier | 51 matches | ||
| Wingman | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1239 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,859 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 828 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1175 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 881 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 975 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $685,929 of utility $190 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 196 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | BOMBARDILO CROCODILO | 53% | 15 |
| #6 | Tuoppi | 43% | 21 |
| #7 | naksuneb | 41% | 58 |
| #8 | högö | 33% | 39 |
| #9 | NAKKI | 33% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AUTISTIKUULOKE | 9 | 0.0193 |
| #2 | naksuneb | 5 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | NAKKI | 4 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Patonki-_- | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | BOMBARDILO CROCODILO | 3 | 0.0097 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | högö | 218 | 0.30 | 5 min |
| #2 | naksuneb | 160 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | Patonki-_- | 143 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | AUTISTIKUULOKE | 130 | 0.28 | 2 min |
| #5 | NAKKI | 92 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Patonki-_- | +3.20 | 78 | 57 |
| #2 | BOMBARDILO CROCODILO | +2.32 | 70 | 50 |
| #3 | naksuneb | +1.19 | 59 | 67 |
| #4 | högö | +1.12 | 58 | 66 |
| #5 | Tuoppi | +0.10 | 52 | 66 |





