










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 57 matches | ||
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2762 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,566 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4222 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4458 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2033 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2853 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $619,453 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 258 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...





