








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 482 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 258 matches | ||
| Wingman | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1831 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,622 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2298 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3192 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2434 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1698 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $258,970 of utility $40 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 76 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nocomment | 55% | 22 |
| #2 | KoljaGoldstein. | 45% | 29 |
| #3 | Heimscheißer | 41% | 141 |
| #4 | HollaDieGewaltFee | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nocomment | 55% | 22 |
| #2 | KoljaGoldstein. | 45% | 29 |
| #3 | Heimscheißer | 41% | 141 |
| #4 | HollaDieGewaltFee | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Heimscheißer | 21 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | nocomment | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | HollaDieGewaltFee | 2 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Heimscheißer | 84 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #2 | KoljaGoldstein. | 59 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | HollaDieGewaltFee | 42 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | nocomment | 23 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MCLovin | +0.29 | 44 | 53 |
| #2 | KoljaGoldstein. | +0.15 | 50 | 60 |
| #3 | Heimscheißer | -1.27 | 42 | 43 |
| #4 | nocomment | -2.19 | 43 | 46 |
| #5 | HollaDieGewaltFee | -3.09 | 32 | 72 |





