








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 103 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
996 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,234 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1241 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1925 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2163 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 905 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $158,625 of utility $40 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AlphaCo_Reaper | 50% | 16 |
| #2 | Ahoy | 42% | 12 |
| #3 | Whambino | 39% | 85 |
| #4 | Napalam | 36% | 105 |
| #5 | Slimmyjewtron | 35% | 129 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Ahoy | 42% | 12 |
| #3 | Whambino | 39% | 85 |
| #4 | Napalam | 36% | 105 |
| #5 | Slimmyjewtron | 35% | 129 |
| #6 | SausageWhispers | 25% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slimmyjewtron | 11 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Whambino | 8 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | Napalam | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | SausageWhispers | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | AlphaCo_Reaper | 3 | 0.0091 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Whambino | 266 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #2 | Napalam | 177 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | AlphaCo_Reaper | 52 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | Slimmyjewtron | 51 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ahoy | 33 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Napalam | +3.71 | 58 | 45 |
| #2 | Whambino | +1.81 | 37 | 62 |
| #3 | AlphaCo_Reaper | -0.33 | 39 | 45 |
| #4 | Ahoy | -2.11 | 39 | 45 |
| #5 | TheRealChrisHanson | -2.27 | 31 | 43 |





